Tuesday, March 29

Computers are the spawn of Satan

The bank holiday didn’t quite go to plan … but there again, what plan ever survives the first five minutes of its execution?

The Friday weather was reasonable but I spent the time doing laundry, shopping for food (the usual quarter of mince and a small cut loaf) and tidying up the house so that I could enjoy the weekend ahead. I should have taken the opportunity to kick my heels up and do something more energetic and interesting. The rest of the weekend weather was atrocious – God ran out of colours to paint the sky and landscape but he had plenty of battleship grey so that was that. Low cloud, persistent rain and cold. As I predicted, the weather was poor but the girls were out in force with umbrellas, scuttling about in their dizzables and generally causing the traffic to slow down.

My little pocket Venus decided that her computer wasn’t up to scratch so she dragged me out shopping and bought a new one on Saturday. She wanted to “future proof” it so bought one with TV and radio cards. Her reason? The computer and TV won’t always be in the same room and she might want to watch TV. I would have thought that if you are working on the computer or surfing the net or whatever, you wouldn’t want to watch TV at the same time on a 15” monitor. Besides, she has a huge TV in the living room with DVD player, video, digi box etc. In fact more communications gear than the bloody BBC. My arguments and reasons were brushed aside. A new computer was “needed” and she wouldn’t be denied.

HOWEVER, guess which mug got the job of setting it up and transferring the programs and data from her old computer? Correct first time!

The trouble is I’m an odd sort of person in that, if there isn’t anything on the TV, I won’t take it into my head to format the hard drive and set up the computer from scratch just for something to do. So I am a bit out of practice setting up computers from a bare system. It wasn’t helped by my little pocket rottweiler who can be ever so slightly impatient. I think she expected to switch it on and see a big button labelled “make it just like the old one but better” and by clicking on it, to have the whole thing set up instantly. Ain’t gonna happen …

So I set off and tried my best. I wasn’t helped by Sonia. “What’s the code for this application?” I asked. “I don’t know. I didn’t write it down”. OK my little angel, I’ll try to get it off the old computer. (Note that there is a small programme you can download from the net called Belarc Advisor which will audit your system and print out a full list of all applications with serial numbers etc. Try it. It’s worth having. link is here http://www.belarc.com/free_download.html).

“What’s your password for this account my little choux pastry?” “I don’t know – can’t you find out?” “Where’s the set up disk for this particular software package?” “Well I don’t know!! How do you expect me to remember things like that?” And so forth. There was much looking over the shoulder and “is it ready yet?” comments. So all in all it took Sunday and most of Monday to figure out how to get the new one to have all the software and rubbish from the old one onto it and getting it to run to her entire satisfaction. Following that, it was a big beaming smile and “You are a genius”.

I eyed up her old computer which is better than mine and wondered if I should swipe it and get mine up to a reasonable speed. Could I be bothered to rebuild the thing to my requirements? The answer came and it was a resounding NO! My old one is fine for what I need and I still have the bathroom to do. So that is for THIS weekend and the odd evening.

Want to bet that next Monday, I’m writing “My little pocket timewaster had me doing …”.

No wonder I’m going bald!


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