Tuesday, April 26

Enjoying the election

OK – so this advice is perhaps a bit late for this campaign but I have discovered a way to enjoy the Party Political Propaganda Broadcasts (or PPPB for brevity). I have Sonia to thank for this serendipitous discovery.

She phoned me one evening in the middle of a PPPB and as I had the remote for the TV to hand, I pressed the mute button. I watched in awe as I realised the rubbish being spouted by the Politician was filtered out and I could concentrate on the body language without the distraction and annoyance of the lies and misinformation clouding my judgement. So after I had finished talking to my little pocket Venus, I looked at the TV listing to see when it was being repeated and made sure I tuned in.

Instead of shouting the usual comments at the TV (such as “You lying incompetent bar steward, you thieving arrogant git” etc.) I made up my own commentary to complement the scenarios and body language. I decided that this was the REAL message the politicians are trying to hide from the electorate. It goes something like this.

“Dear electors. I am in a highly paid job, funded entirely by your hard work and efforts. With this job, it doesn’t matter if I turn up or not, I still get paid and can claim massive amounts of expenses regardless of if they are rightly incurred or claimed correctly. I have an excellent non contributory pension scheme which will pay me very nicely for the rest of my life, funded by you and generously topped up by other politicians voting themselves whacking great pay and pension rises”.

“I have my own agenda and ideas how I can run your lives. It doesn’t matter if you are labouring under the delusion that I was elected to represent your interests and give you a voice and say in parliament. I know what is best for you and the country (and when I say “the Country” I of course mean myself). Your concerns are no concern of mine. I wish to build a society which I won’t have to live in – my salary and protected status will ensure I don’t suffer the consequences of my decisions or laws designed to torment you”.

“If elected, my Government will continue to take tax from you and deliver very little in return. I will spout sanctimonious sounding phrases such as ‘You cannot put a price on life’ to justify massive increases in taxation to fund the NHS, for example, but will allow the NHS to continue in its inefficient and Stalinist, monolithic way. I fully realise that if the NHS was reorganised and made to operate in a more efficient and accountable way, for the same money, many more people would be treated and their lives made pain free, easier and more pleasant. Education is a big issue but simply because the schools are turning out people who, after eleven years of expensive education, cannot read or write or do arithmetic competently, I feel there is no requirement to do anything about it, other than pour more money – and I mean YOUR money – into the system to continue this state of affairs. However, you must realise that Government services employ a vast army of people and, just like me, rely on your money to keep them in jobs which are often hard to justify to ordinary people like yourselves. But Political Correctness and a ‘if it saves one life, it will all be worth it’ attitude can be used to justify anything. Therefore I cannot in all conscience alienate these voters so I will do nothing to reduce the vast army and indeed, will vote for more useless legislation to increase the numbers (at your expense, of course)”.

“So that is why I’m asking you to vote for me. I feel I am not getting my message across and therefore need another 5 years of this lifestyle to do so. So I know I can rely on your vote …”

(A well written rant from an American - so make allowances for the references to things American - is at http://www.ravnwood.com/archives/004528.php#004528. It summarises my feelings regarding the rapaciousness and all pervading influence of the Government and concisely describes the "We'll take your money and give you nothing in return" attitude of all Governments).

Do you think I’m exaggerating about the arrogance of our Political Lords and Masters? Look at this link from the Guardian http://media.guardian.co.uk/site/story/0,,1465709,00.html. It is of course, old two Jags Prescott on top form again. Bear in mind that the Guardian is more left wing than Stalin so for them to report Prezza in such unflattering terms is surprising to say the least.

The “make up your own commentary” works for face to face interviews too. Jezza Paxman generally gives a rottweilering to the interviewee and the body language says it all. An excellent introduction to the game if you want to give it a try.

Go ahead – it’s fun!


Anonymous Ravenwood said...

Just replace George S. Patton with Winston Churchill. They don't know who he was either.

1:31 a.m.  

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